I have read many self-help, relationship-building type books and was quite reluctant to read another one when he first began mentioning it to me. I have made great strides in "fixing" myself and was not willing to add yet another book at that time. These things need to be spread out a bit sometimes so that real changes can be made, allowing the reader to really apply what they have read to see how it works for them over time.
What I Agree With
- I will say that I agree with much of what this book has to say, just not how she says it. I understand what Dr. Laura is communicating in this book and that it is helpful in many situations when a wife is not appreciating her husband, IF that is the ONLY issue.
- I agree with her 100% that the feminist movement is destroying the family institution and that women and men have different roles to fulfill.
- I did see some things that I could do differently. I think for me it is more of "stuck in a rut" than a "bad marriage practice" that I got out of the book. Still a good thing to come away with to get myself out of the rut.
- I agree that women need to stay away from man-bashing/husband-bashing with their friends and family. It is a horrible habit that so many women participate in which kills the love a woman has for her husband.
- I like how she advocates stay-at-home mothers and the husbands who diligently support them.
- Some women are really "witchy"...we see them all the time and they give the rest of us a bad name. This book is for those "witchy" types! (Please excuse my French!)
- What I adamantly do not agree with is that she really lets men off the hook in this book. She makes it seem that men have almost no responsibility in how marriages work.
- I abhor that she acts like men can't change and we are the only ones doing any of the changing. I understand the therapeutic part of that, "you can only change yourself," but she takes it too far.
- She is still advocating a type of manipulation, even if it is a "nice" type of manipulation.
- Her theory in this book is very behavioral...do A and B will happen. For example, keep husband happy in bed and he will behave like you want.
- She often blames women for the man cheating. Where is the choice in this? It is almost like she is saying, "I don't blame the guy for cheating because you are a witch."
- Another negative aspect that is not addressed in this book is: What about women who do not have good husbands?
What I Recommend Above This Book
I highly suggest some other books for marriage (and family) that address both partners in the marriage or women in particular without the berating, woman bashing style:
- The Five Love Languages and The 5 Love Languages Men's Edition: The Secret to Love That Lasts
- there is one for women, men, children, and teens. I give all of these 5 stars!
- The Love Dare
- a Bible-based Christian book for helping couples commit to serving each other in a marriage without the manipulation part.
- The Dance of Anger
- For women who feel angry and don't know why, or maybe they do and want to have inner peace in their life again.
- The Dance of Intimacy
- For women who have intimacy issues, includes every type of intimacy from communicating properly to having low desire all the way up to overcoming abuse.
I think this book assumes and I seem to remember that she says something about bad husbands not applying.
ReplyDeleteI think the reason she lets me off the hook and that men can't change is because this book is geared towards women. Women typically try to change the man and hold grudges. This book is looking at things from a woman's point of view. She does another whole book about marriage that is for me and women. But as the wife in a marriage you cannot change your husband. He can only want to change himself. There is no point talking about how men can change if the readers husband doesn't want to. This is a focused book so she's not going to talk about everything.
I don't remember the nice manipulation but I don't remember feeling like anything in there encouraged manipulation. Unless you consider good choices = good consequences being manipulation. But that is what the Lord does.
I could go on about not agree withs number 5 and 6 but I'll stop. I think if you remember this book is very focused only on what a woman can do then it is a great tool. If a woman is in an unhealthy relationship then this book isn't going to help her. But if she's in a health relationship then applying these techniques will improve her marriage.
Just my $.02.
Angela - I agree that this is a focused book and so she cannot and does not discuss everything. I know she has other books on those subjects and that she specializes in telling women to be nicer women/wives. All good in my book as we need to be kinder and more loving in all aspects of our lives, especially to those we hold dear to our hearts -- our husbands!
ReplyDeleteAlso, I think it is important to note that I had a very bad first marriage. I tried many of the things mentioned in Dr. Laura's book (heard them from other sources) and became a doormat in my first marriage. All my niceness turned me into a kept woman who was to serve and accept all his problems without getting anything but loneliness and pain in return. He still cheated. He still spent all of his time with friends and in the end I finally got a backbone and left. He hid all of these qualities from me when we were dating...I had no idea what I married.
I'm concerned that some women will do all these things and end up in the same boat...a doormat for a selfish husband.
I am blessed now with a wonderful husband. This book did make me think of ways I could improve so it was a beneficial book to read. I liked other books better though.
Thank you for sharing your comments! I do value them and feel that we can all learn from each other's point of views, even when they differ slightly. I'm excited to have things to discuss online!