Systems: Family Work

I love a clean house! Doesn't everybody? What I don't love is pleading, threatening, and cajoling to get children to love having a clean house as much as I do.

Nor do I love cleaning up after all my little piggies without them lifting a finger. Nope. Not an option at our house. Hiring a maid is also not an option, which I think is detrimental to family development anyway (unless you have extenuating circumstances, like new baby, bed-ridden, or health issues that prevent a family from being able to do their own cleaning).

Finding the right system for our home has gone through a few levels of changes over the years. When my children were very small, they loved to pick-up toys while we sang the "Clean-up Song" from Barney.

Eventually their keen little minds realized cleaning was not a game, but was actual work! Oh the shame of it all! Mom tricked us into working!

We have a few systems that I've posted about before:

• Life Skills in the Home
• New Plan - Check!

We are still using the Cleaning Calendar mentioned in "New Plan - Check!" I really love rotating the monthly, weekly, and daily cleaning through my digital to-do list on the Freedom Educators Evernote Template now with the Daily Planner to keep track of meals, appointments, to-do list, and family work.

Daily Planner - Meals and Appointments

Daily Planner - To-Do List and Family Work

I love Fly Lady even though it can be a little overwhelming at first. Starting off on the right foot with some of her simply techniques for getting it all done has helped me a ton. Check out her Baby Steps first.

One idea from her website that I've used extensively is the Zone principle. Each child is assigned a "Zone" for the week. They have to check their Zones several times a day. 

In each Zone is also a detailed cleaning list of what is supposed to be cleaned or checked daily and a list for weekly. I put the list in a clear protector sheet and tape it to the inside of a cabinet or the back of a closet door.

I adapted Fly Lady's list to be specific for each zone (and how the kids use it) and also for the age of the children who will be doing the cleaning. When my children were really young, I had a simple picture list of what to clean.

A couple of free ideas online:

• Raising a Healthy Family
• Clean Mama
• Fly Lady's PDF lists

Multiple Kids in One Zone

We have a buddy system with older children training younger ones. Mentoring younger children in how to do family work is a must. If you don't have enough kids, think about borrowing some.

No! I'm not kidding! Once a month give your children a chance to mentor or be mentored by other kids.

We have a "Littles Checklist" and a "Bigs Checklist". The Littles do things like pick-up toys, put small trash bags in the larger can in the kitchen, wipe off cabinets, etc.

Check out these Littles cleaning...

Matching Socks, One of Their Favorite Things

The Bigs can help the Littles learn how to do chores and/or do the big things themselves. I sometimes divvy up the list to help the Bigs learn when a child is ready to learn a new skill.

Since we are a foster family, children come to us with varying abilities even though they may be the same age. We adapt and help them learn. We do not assume they know anything, yet we are always amazed at how quickly they come to like working with the family. Even children that are emotionally damaged and have never cleaned before find new excitement and achievement as they learn to be part of the family and work together. For many of them, working together is a completely new idea.

Worried your kids will rebel? Well...they might.

The key is to talk about "family work" and not "chores". Family work is everyone chipping in to make our house run smoother and have everything ready for the next time we use it.

Natural Law Parenting Introduction

In our studies of American Government, we have delved deeply into the concept of Natural Law (God's Law) as the founding father's basis for why they wrote founding documents for the United States of America and the thought processes behind what they wrote. This is important in determining the meaning behind what they wrote. Some books we have studied on this subject are The 5000 Year Leap and The Making of America: The Substance and Meaning of the Constitution by Cleon Skousen and Uncle Eric Books by Richard Maybury.

I liked the concepts so much that I began putting up signs around the house. My children began to repeat the concepts and I found we were using them in context with our house rules. (See PDF file at the bottom of this post.)

The Two Rules of Natural Law are:

1. Do all you have agreed to do.
2. Do not encroach on other persons or their property.

Within these Two Rules of Natural Law, we discovered that most smaller rules are included within the two main rules. This allowed us to streamline the family rules and make life a bit more calm. My parenting time has greatly lessened because we do not have to remember so many other tedious rules, tally points, or manage tedious consequences. The consequences of one's actions are also "natural" and fit the rule broken.

Some examples:

Family Work

When our family work assignments were originally given, my husband and I sat down with the family and described the new plan. All listened and gave input about the new plan. Some questions were asked and things were clarified. In the end, the entire family agreed to the new plan of the division of household assignments feeling positive about the arrangements and all were happy with the new assignments. 

As time went on, occasionally a member of the family neglects their duties. When discovered, someone would point to the chart of the Two Rules of Natural Law and say, "You have not done all you agreed to do." The child who has neglected their duties then needs to get in gear and catch up their work area. Sometimes, there is a disagreement about who has done what, leaving one person feeling slighted. I've discovered that if we simply go back over the timeline of assignments, it usually becomes pretty clear who has neglected their duties and who has not.

Computer Time

One area of constant complaint is computer time. We have only one laptop and everyone wants to use it pretty much all day. We determined a set computer schedule would benefit us the most, but there was a problem. Nayna needed the computer for online classes were Chris needed the computer for programming, but he does not have a set time when he needs the computer where Nayna does have set times to sign  in for classes. We had to develop a plan that would allow Nayna to be on the computer during her scheduled times, but still allow Chris to have blocks of programming time. I need time to do writing for curriculum and take care of church duties.

Over time, we discovered that sometimes people were encroaching on another person's scheduled time (sometimes this was Mom!). It was easy to point to the chart of the two main rules and say, "Are you encroaching on another person?"

Personal Space and Property

Another area of contention is the bathroom. We have teens and teens take up a lot more time in the bathroom than younger children. We have not needed to have a bathroom schedule...yet...but we do have problems with some people making more of a mess in the bathroom that others or using someone else's items in the bathroom or just plain taking forever!

We've been able to again apply the Two Rules of Natural Law to our household. If someone uses another's property, it needs to be replaced, cleaned, or tidied up. If someone takes too long, they have encroached on another person's time, they need to make up for that time. 

Resolving Encroachment Issues

We allow them to work out the problem among themselves until everyone is satisfied that the encroachment has been resolved. 

Some ways they have decided to work out Restitution have been:

• Replacing items used or damaged.
• Giving a monetary settlement.
• Offering a service to replace time lost when another person has encroached on their time or in household neglect.
• If the encroachment is small, sometimes a simple "I'm sorry" has sufficed.

Sending Sam Back to College

Over the past year since adopting this new and simpler method of parenting, I feel greatly encouraged by the growth in our family and the outcome as I find myself needing to intercede less and less. Some may argue this is because I have older children, which may be a valid argument. However, sometimes teens need more parenting than young children. Their problems and infractions are often more costly; physically, mentally, and spiritually.

I should point out that I do incorporate other methods into my parenting style like:

• Parenting With Love And Logic - I enjoyed this book because I learned to parent through simple logic rather than my emotions. When I step back and answer their feedback (both positive and negative) with logic, it teaches them the "why" behind the constant requests that parents make of them. What this book lacks, however, is the teaching of right and wrong.
• The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers New Edition: The Secret to Loving Teens Effectively - From this book, I learned that I needed to change my parenting when my children enter the teen years and to expect that change as a natural part of growing up.
• The 5 Love Languages of Children - I love this book because it makes me think of each child's personal needs and what they need to feel truly loved. A true gem for every parent.
• Parenting a House United - Teaching Self-Government - Through teaching my children to respond respectfully, I believe this book has taught us all how to be in opposition without offense. What this book lacks is the individual's need to respond with their grievances. She teaches that after one time of responding to a request they should just do it without question. I don't agree with that philosophy.
• The Great Behavior Breakdown - While this book is geared towards children with severe problems, I did find it most useful in explaining how parents react with Fear and Anger most of the time. What we need to do is parent from a point of Love. When we do, we get much better results, we show our unconditional love for our children, and we show them the proper way to handle problems in their lives. What this book lacks is clear teaching of right and wrong and does not come from a religious perspective.

Over the past 20 years as a parent, I just learned that I needed to simplify what I've digested from these books and methods into the larger picture of parenting from God's Law (Natural Law) and how that can be done with less stress and through a basis of Love. Children still face consequences, but rather than a specific consequence for a specific infraction, the children give restitution for the act itself. In other words, "the punishment fits the crime". I believe this leads to better teaching of right and wrong, true and false, good and bad. We have also found that the children are less angry because the restitution is typically decided among the injured party and themselves. The conflict between youth and parent becomes less and less as the parents become the mediators and not the jail wardens.

Society and Parenting
The trend in parenting in society is becoming more and more institutional. Parents look to day cares, nannies, babysitters, schools, and media to do the teaching. There is very little parenting time in most homes with children spending up to 10 hours a day in day cares, schools, and after care programs, then sleeping for 8 to 9 hours a night. This leaves the average parent with a maximum of 6 hours with their children, yet statistics say children typically watch 4-6 hours of television each day. TV has become the cheap babysitter and teacher.

This is in tune with Man Made Laws, not with Natural Law. Natural Law or God's Law would have the teaching of right and wrong be done within the family. Parenting through institutions was one of the key factors listed in the Communist Manifesto (see pages 24-27). As a mother, I encourage all parents to truly consider where their parenting style comes from and how it can be improved to promote love within the family and freedom in our country.

Lumberjacks

With my recent accident in log splitting, I was very skeptical about Christian chopping wood. He convinced me that he had sufficient knowledge of safety precautions and that he would be careful. He also pointed out that Almonso in "Farmer Boy" was allowed to do a lot of things that are considered dangerous as part of his regular chores. (So much for using classic books as examples...he had me there!)


Of course, I was being careful too when I fell onto the log splitter and injured my hand! But, a mother has to put some trust in her children and allow them to learn and grow at some point. He is a careful boy and so I felt the need to cut him some slack and not smother him in his desire to WORK for the family.

He did a great job getting the wood started on Friday! Over the weekend Mike and Christian chopped a lot of wood. Our garage is extended by 6 feet and has an area for storing wood. They filled that area and we still have more to split. Too bad the rest of us are too sick to help right now. We could at least stack for them. Maybe next weekend.