Female Roles in the Home

In addition to my previous post, I felt it timely to write about what we do to encourage and teach feminine roles in the home. If you read my previous post, you'll know that this has been a challenging process of learning these roles as they were not taught to me specifically as a youth. They are also not portrayed in modern entertainment and cultural life today.

Feminine Nature

I firmly believe in the mystique of feminine nature. Women and girls naturally coo over cute things like puppies, babies, dainty articles, and pretty dresses. This comes from something deep in our DNA that causes a sincere reaction to things that need nurturing. I feel it still with a friend's new baby, satin material for prom dresses, and little boys who skin their knees. My instinct kicks in and maternal nature comes through with a need to comfort, snuggle, caress and hold. So why, then, do we sometimes feel silly with these feelings?

My husband still looks over at me during sad movies to see if I'm tearing up. He smiles and says, "There goes mom again." But, his smile is tender, not condoning. He likes it that my tender feelings come through for moments of sadness and happiness, and that those feelings manifest in teary eyes. He enjoys that I am soft, while he is strong. He values my nurturing to balance out his toughness. Opposites attract is a truism that is vividly apparent in the husband and wife, the father and mother, the male and female.

In Our Home

One aspect of teaching role models for me was to define what they were. Yes, it is a bit of a masculine way to go about things, but women are prone to lists and organization, too. I don't feel too bad about my defining list approach. My previous post lists some of the classics I use to define feminine nature.

In the early years of our marriage, I was a feminist leaning woman who felt I didn't need a man to open doors for me when I could do it myself. I wanted equal household duties and child care. I wanted to work and be self-sufficient. Part of this resulted from my first marriage that ended after 5 years and a father who was not a successful provider. I never wanted to be reliant on a man.

To this day, I cringe when I think of that poor former self! I was so hurt and damaged that I bought into the feminist movement. I soon realized what folly this was, but some damage had been done. My husband was distant and hurt himself. He wanted to take care of us, to be the man of the house, and to be loved for who he was. I didn't do this initially, but thankfully, began to correct this mistake.

I did the following:

• I quit my full-time job and told him I had faith in his ability to provide for us and that we would live within the means he could provide.
• I took on all household duties and child care full-time. My husband was a full-time student and worked full-time. I never required him to change diapers in the middle of the night or do 2 am feedings. He needed the sleep and it was selfish of me to think he needed to do half of everything when he was so busy outside the home.

These first steps were just the beginning. It would take me the next 16 years to get to a place where my feminine nature could shine and bring balance to our home. This is not to say that men should never do anything. My husband often sees a need and will wash a load of laundry or make breakfast for everyone on a Sunday morning. However, I understand that the household jobs are mainly mine to do and the help he gives me is a true gift, not a right.

I do earn some money outside of the home on occasion, especially now that all my children are teens and young adults. But, when they were young, my primary concern was to be home with them as much as possible.

Children's Roles

As a child, it really burned me up that the girls did almost all the household work and worked outside the home while my brothers did nothing. This was an out-of-balance home. To correct that in my own home, I've taught all of my children to work. Boys and girls need to know how to iron, cook, tend children, do laundry, mow the lawn and change a tire. These are simply life-skills that every person should have. My mother-in-law did an excellent job of teaching her children these skills. I decided to use her example in teaching my own.

We have two daughters and a son. All of my children rotate jobs around the house and outdoors. They have duties with animals, cooking, cleaning, and mowing. That said, my daughters are still the main cooks and my son is sent out to work on the car with dad. My daughters know that their main concern will be the house and children while my son will be the provider for his family. It is part of our every day language and teachings. The skills are important to have in case they need them, but the main concerns of each role are taught in our every day example.

It makes me happy to see my oldest daughter away at college talk about her collection of recipes, her daily care of the home she lives in, and the actions she delights in making her home cozy and pretty. I can see that she is getting the "domestic bug" in wanting to prepare for a future home. It pleases me to see her work so hard to keep things nice and tidy without relying on a mother or maid like some other young adults I've seen. 

My second oldest daughter also delights in sewing and preparing her skills to be self-sufficient. She is the best dishwasher I've ever seen. She takes pride in things being done right and talks about the day she will be a wife and mother. She is also 17 and never been on a date. She is waiting for the right guy to ask her and refuses to chase after a boy like the other girls. When I asked her about it, she said, "The right guy for me will ask ME, not expect me to ask him."