TJED Mentor Guides

New Product! - TJED Mentor Guide

Beauty and the Beast

All TJED Mentor Guide products are based on the principles of Leadership Education or Thomas Jefferson Education (a.k.a. TJED) as described in Oliver DeMille’s books: A Thomas Jefferson Education, Leadership Education: The Phases of Learning, Thomas Jefferson Education for Teens, and The Student Whisperer. Please see the before mentioned books and our website for more information on the phases of learning mentioned in this guide.

The activities and questions provided in the guides are open ended, meaning no answers are given. It is up to the mentor and student to discuss possibilities and open the mind to higher levels of thinking through discussion and writing. The TJED Mentor Guide products are intended to help bridge the gap for mentoring parents to “get off the conveyor belt” and begin thinking like mentors. The purpose in writing this TJED Mentor Guide is to help parents learn what mentoring “looks like”. This is a difficult concept for some to grasp, and then in turn, implement in their home.

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All I Want For Christmas...

Mom and Me

All I want for Christmas is my "fire" back...I need to light the fire in me again for learning. I assume my lack of enthusiasm for studying is related to grieving for my mother who passed away in September of this year. I've been unable to get back into my regular rhythm since she began to take a steep decline in August and passed away in September. I can see it beginning to affect my children as well. My lack of fire is bringing them down too.

What to do?
In order to tackle this new challenge, for challenge is what it is, I need to analyze it. We all run into challenges and obstacles that get in the way of our education. So, I realized I need to take a step back and take a more objective view. I decided to treat myself like one of my Mentees and ask myself the deep questions.

What would I tell my students in the same situation?
One of the first things I would tell my students is to take time to grieve and to back off of strenuous study. Then, I would tell them to study the grieving process and learn about what they can do to help themselves. There is a process to grieving and it is important to "feel" all of the steps of grieving in order to uncover all the feelings and hurt.

"You can't heal what you don't feel."

Wow...I think I just told myself to grieve. Really grieve. I think I've been trying only partially to do that. I've been keeping myself so busy with serving others that I have no time to really contemplate what I need to do. I buried myself into others. But, then I wonder isn't that part of what people tell us to do? We are always told to "lose ourselves in service" and "forget yourself and serve others".

Losing Myself...Maybe Too Much
Can we actually lose ourselves too much in the guise of service? I think we can because that is what I've been doing. Taking on so much to keep busy and productive that I have not given myself enough time to take care of....myself.

I once had a woman that I was assigned to visit through church. In the LDS church we call it Visiting Teaching. She was a retired woman who I greatly admired. Her son was my obstetrician and had delivered two of my children. I admired him and knew that a wonderful man like him could only have been raised by an equally wonderful mother.

As I visited this woman each month, I felt inadequate to "teach" her anything. Rather, I went each month eagerly awaiting the nuggets of advice she could give me each time. One month I remember complaining about my overworked, full-time student husband who was never home to help me with our 3 young children. She listened attentively and then said, "You need to take time for yourself."

Stunned, I sat back and started a whole new list of reasons why I couldn't do so. My husband was gone 14-16 hours a day. We couldn't afford babysitters, etc. etc. She smiled and simply stated, "If you don't take care of yourself, you won't be worth anything to your little young family."

I find myself thinking about her advice and how it applies to me today. My family is not so young anymore, but my lack of self-renewal is the same.

So...what will be my next phase of renewal?

New Service - Mentoring Adults and Youth

Finding Your Path to Mission

I am excited to enter a new level of mentoring! I've been asked on occasion to mentor individuals and feel I am ready to open my services to more individuals. My website with more information will be coming soon!

Mentoring Adults
My experience with mentoring adults largely revolves around helping people over come conveyor-belt hangovers. Simply put, it is challenging to overcome our conditioning of the conveyor-belt education most of us had to thinking like a mentor. This takes time and practice. Having a mentor helps to redirect thinking into the right path through a weekly check-in call and personalized mentoring feedback.

In addition to mentoring personal calls via phone or Skype, I provide some direction and focus through exercises meant to help the student/mentee find their Mission and the path to Mission. I do not profess to know another person's Mission. Not at all. However, I provide a sounding board for ideas, plans, and classics to help you on your way.

I am not a fit for every person. If you would like a consultation about what I might be able to help you with, please feel free to email me here. Some areas I offer are:

• Support in learning and implementing the 8 Keys of Great Teaching.
• Ideas for implementing the Ingredients for Success.
• Coaching for jumping off and staying off the Conveyor-belt and thinking like a Mentor.
• Determining Phase of Learning level.
• Help in planning home culture that supports family work, creates an environment to Inspire, and a path to personal success.

Mentoring Youth
I have mentored my own youth for the past seven years. I have one adult child at college who is in Scholar Phase and was also public schooled. She is studying to be a Pharmacist. My second child is 17 and transitioning from Self-Directed to Mentored Scholar. She attends part-time college online at BYU-I and will begin her second year there this Fall. My youngest is 15 and transitioning between Practice and Project Scholar. He loves anything technology based and has his own online business.

I provide the same type of service for youth to help them determine what phase they are in and point them towards the Path to Mission. This service is not intended to take the place of Parent Mentoring, but to provide a different level of Mentoring to help those new to Leadership Education provide an outside mentor while the parents get themselves more education on how to be a mentor.

Types of Mentoring
For more information on the types of Formal Mentors please see the book "Thomas Jefferson Education for Teens" pages 49-50:

1. Coach
2. Facilitator
3. Leader
4. Manager
5. Advocate
6. Guide

More information will be coming soon about the various types of Formal Mentors and how I may be able to help you and/or your young adult. See our Mentoring Services page for more information.

Need more information? Go here to send me an email.

 

Fiction vs. Non-Fiction or Male vs. Female?

Conversation:

Mom: "What books from the TJED for Teens list do I need to get from the library for you this summer?"

Nayna: "I don't know. I've read most of them."

Mom: "Really? I thought you were around the half-way mark?"

Nayna: "Well...I just can't find any I want to read."

As I continue to compile transcripts for this past "school" year, I've noticed an interesting trend. My daughter, Nayna, has read more fiction than non-fiction. I've looked over her TJED for Teens list and she has read 43 of the 100 books listed. In studying this further, I realized that she has read almost all of the fiction books on the list, with only a few non-fiction titles completed. She is like me! She loves fiction, but has a hard time delving into non-fiction.

My son, on the other hand, typically does not like fiction (except for anything Louis L'Amour). We had a very different conversation earlier in the year.

Conversation:

Chris: "Mom, I can't stand fantasy books."

Mom: "Why not?"

Chris: "They are just so unbelievable. People can't really DO any of those things. Plus there's all those fake species from fairy tales and myths."

Mom: "I like fantasy. I know it isn't real, but it is an entertaining story." (specifically speaking of a book called "Elantris")

Chris: "I only like stuff that someone can really do."

As I pondered this conversation some months back, I remembered reading or hearing Oliver DeMille talk about a mentor that told him he was very good at reading and studying non-fiction, but he had neglected the fiction. He then challenged him to read "Les Miserables". (Quite a formidable read I might add). I wonder if this is a male/female difference. My husband also likes documentaries and non-fiction stories and information. I prefer fiction if given a choice. I wonder why?

Could it be that men are "doers" so they gravitate to non-fiction? What does that make women? Fantasists? I don't know...but maybe women do like to have little breaks from reality where men like to have adventures where they can picture themselves as the character, thus the need for it to be "real". That's my best guess and I would be happy to hear other's opinions of the subject.



The question becomes:

"How do I mentor and inspire my daughter (and myself) to read non-fiction and my son to read fiction?"

Professional Conveyor-belt Burnout

Our oldest daughter, Sam, was home from college this past week, taking a break in-between Spring and Summer semesters. She is really working hard to get through school quickly and efficiently. We are so proud of her for her hard work and dedication to her chosen path. Sam chose a Professional Conveyor-belt education because she feels her mission is to "Heal the Sick". Her desire is to become a Pharmacist, which in today's society, requires a Professional Conveyor-belt education.

This choice is a good one for her.

Yet, I found this last time she was home that her Love of Learning was is serious jeopardy. She normally asks for a suggested book to read while she is here. This time, when I offered a new book, she said, "No, I need a break from reading and studying. My brain is fried."

I pondered about this for a few days. Yes, we do all need breaks sometimes, even from studying the things that we love. But, I wondered if this was actually a matter of Professional Conveyor-belt Burnout. I know I experienced it myself while attending NAU for Early Childhood Education. I reached a point where even things I LOVED became a burden.

What do I do with burnout?

There are some natural responses to burnout that our bodies and minds naturally gravitate to.

One, is to take a break. The question is...what kind of break? Modern society might say, "Go to a Movie." or "Do something fun!" The natural tendency seems to be to entertain oneself when you face burnout. While this can be fun, it may actually cause burnout to last longer or not be faced at all.

Another way is to re-evaluate. Some questions to ask might be;

• When did burnout begin?
• What was happening when I began to feel burnout?
• Did I recognize it right away or deny it?
• What can I do differently?
• Is burnout related to not taking care of myself or taking on too much (not following the Six Month No)?
• How does this affect my Compass?
• What do I need to adjust to not face burnout again?

When we take the time to re-evaluate the reasons for our feelings of burnout, we begin to THINK of possibilities rather than react with a knee-jerk reaction. Once we re-evaluate, we can make the corrections needed to avoid burnout again and hopefully see the path that got us there.

Sometimes there are outside forces that contribute to burnout. These are often beyond our control. It may be wise to discuss the outside forces with a trusted friend, parent, spouse, or sibling. Counseling may even be in order if an ongoing problem persists in unbalancing us. Adjusting our Compass to accommodate these uncontrollable outside forces may be in order. Saying No to more things, or Yes to the right things could bring better balance to our lives. Bringing balance to our lives will do more to correct burnout than to throw ourselves into entertainment pursuits.

 

College Conspiracy Video

I've been following the idea of this documentary for some time and I know it has been a topic of conversation among many home educating families. I hope you'll watch and determine for yourself if this information is true and/or useful.

Personally, I find the information on student loans and the terrible condition of tuition costs to be true. I know that my husband and I have college degrees and loans which have had very little effect in increasing our income. Yet, we are still paying off the debt. Some might say, we just didn't get enough college education...that may be true. But shouldn't some college education be worth something? It is worth practically nothing in our current state.

What do we tell our children? I have one in college now and another starting some concurrent enrollment classes in the Fall. I have all kinds of questions...Should they go to college right now? Is it worth it? Will they be straddled with debt like their parents? We don't have any money to pay for their college, how much will they owe the government if they get loans?

...and most important...Is there a better way?

I Need Something More

Yesterday, my son (age 14), a self-proclaimed Practice Scholar who was having a Love of Learning day, came to me and said, "I need something more."

"What 'more' do you need?" I asked adding air quotes around the word 'more'.

"I don't know...I'm just bored with everything," he answered.

This surprised me because he has been dutifully keeping himself busy with his favorite history book series, taking time out to saw on a wooden bow he is making, studying more methods for making his wooden bow, and studying online about ancient civilizations that interest him. I have noticed some lag time where he seems to wander around the house with the look of a 'lost soul'. At times like this, I typically ask, 'What are you working on today?' This usually sparks some conversation on what he is doing and why he has that 'lost soul' look.

I continued with my probing questions, "Everything, huh? Sometimes I feel like that too."

"I guess," he pauses, "...I guess I just want more from my history book. It just doesn't give me enough details."

"Okay," I nod, "you have read this set of history books several times and it is on a reading level that you have surpassed."

He quickly rolls his eyes and takes on a stance that says I've made a huge tactical error. My brain begins to have red flashing lights with 'CODE RED' in large letters. I have done this several times, make jumps into treating him like a Scholar on a Love of Learning day.

I try to think of how I can backtrack a bit. "Well, I do have some other books you can look at if you want."

"What books," he sighs. I take him to a couple of book shelves we have with the more Scholarly level books. He flips through a couple and after 15 minutes walks back out to the garage to work on his wooden bow.

Hmmm...now what? What is a mother to do? My conveyor belt training tells me to make him choose a book from the shelves I led him to. My mentoring self realized that he probably needs something we don't have. And so, my search for the right history books for him continues...

Education: How did it happen?

I've been re-reading "Alas, Babylon" by Pat Frank. The second time through is definitely an eye-opener. I am understanding things I did not get before. I wanted to share a couple of insights from the book that I feel are relevant in today's society.

From Alas, Babylon:


Note: In this scene, Randy is talking to his brother, a colonel in the military, about the real threat of war in America. It is written in 1959, so the examples are older, but the meaning is relevant to today.


Quote #1:
"How did it happen?" Randy had asked. "Where did we slip?"

"It wasn't lack of money," Mark had replied. "It was state of mind. Chevrolet mentalities shying away from a space-ship world. Nations are like people. When they grow old and rich and fat they get conservative (not politics, conservative in innovation). They exhaust their energy trying to keep things the way they are - and that's against nature. Oh, the services were to blame to. Maybe even SAC. We designed the most beautiful bombers in the world, and built them by the thousands. We improved and modified them each year, like new model cars. We couldn't bear the thought that jet bombers themselves might be out of style. Right now we're in the position of the Federal Navy, with it's wooden steam frigates, up against the Confederate iron-clad. It is a state of mind that money alone won't cure."

"What will?" Randy asked.

"Men. Men like John Ericsson invent a Monitor to face the Merrimac. Bold men, audacious men, tenacious men. Impatient, odd-ball men like Rickover pounding desks for atomic subs. Ruthless men who will fire the dead heads and butt-kissers. Rude men who will tell the unimaginative, business-as-usual, seven-carbon *** to go take a jump at a galloping goose. Young men because we've got to be a young country again. If we get that kind of men we may hack it - if the other side gives us time."



Quote #2:
"Quite often the flood of history is undammed or diverted by the character and actions of one man."

Quote #3:
"When two ships are on a collision course and the men at the wheel inflexibly hold to that course, there is going to be a collision. You don't have to be farsighted to see that."

Why does this book matter?
In my conversations with many adults that I mentor, one of the most often asked question is "How can I be mentored by a book?" We are mentored by books when we make connections with how the characters behave and react to their environment and relate those characters and situations to our every day lives. In the above scene, I am reminded that the United States of America has been in crisis before. The United States struggle to remain a republic has been tried and tested many times.

I ask myself questions like:

• How did the characters behave? Where they right or wrong?
• How did our government survive other times of crisis? Can we use those tactics today or do we need new tactics?
• What made the difference between freedom and servitude? 
• How are these situations like today?

As I answers these question through my studies, I gain a better understanding of human nature and what I need to do, change, or support. 

This is how classics change us. 

This is how we are mentored by books.

What kinds of books are your mentors?

Shh! Scholar in Progress

During our Mentor Meetings Sunday night, a startling discovery was made....I interrupt my Scholars too much. Nayna politely asked during the meeting to not be interrupted during her study hours. I was pretty surprised, because I thought my kids have pretty un-interrupted time, but she explained herself well and was able to make excellent observations about the issue. Mike then commented, "When did you become so grown-up?" (Overnight...almost).

Basically after discussing her needs, we realized that 6 hours of study, which is the time we had allotted for her, is not enough time to accomplish all of her studies on some of our more busy days. She often chooses to use some of her Free Time hours to complete her studies. A new plan is now in place to allow her to complete her studies on days we have to travel into town for events. She has devised her own study plan and a new format for documenting her studies. She used to use a weekly planner as discussed in this post. Last week she created her own weekly checklist with room to write in the chapters, lessons, and other details of what she did that day for that subject.

Her subjects include:

• Home Study Seminary - Doctrine and Covenants
• Reading - Classics and personal choices
• Math - Math-U-See Algebra I
• Latin - Wheelocks Latin
• Music - Choir and Piano
• Physical Education - Wii Fit Plus, Yoga, Walks, etc.
• History - Early Modern Times
• Government - The 5,000 Year Leap
• Logic

I was thoroughly convinced by this admission that Nayna is over a year into the "Self-Directed Scholar" phase:

The Self-Directed Scholar studies eight to twelve hours a day, five to six days a week, ten to twelve months a year for three to four years.  This 5,00 to 8,000 hours of intense study builds a huge base of knowledge and skill which can be applied to whatever mission the later adult embarks upon.

It is exciting to see that she is really taking charge of her education in every way. I do not do much more than try to stay out of her way now!

Father, Husband, Mentor

Every six months we re-write our Compass as part of our Six Month Inventory, Six Month Purge, and Six Month "No". These three six month activities help us to reorganize our time and efforts. Mike is taking a major role in our weekly Mentor Meetings (also know as FEC - Family Executive Council) and wrote his own Compass as well. I am very happy to see the entire family working together in our education efforts.

I mention this about my husband, because it has been a long time in coming. He has always been supportive of what I have wanted to implement and has always helped me to carry out our schedules and plans. That said, he has not always been super involved in a "hands-on" way. I could tell it made a difference for all of us, my son especially, to see him participate and join in doing the Compass exercise as well.

"It Is Not Meet That I Should Command In All Things"

I am working through my Personal Progress along with my Beehives. That is one thing I should have been doing with my daughters all along, but being called to Young Women's has sparked my drive to do so again. I was looking through my Personal Progress book and found a value experience to work on which required I read the following scripture:

Doctrine and Covenants 58: 26-28

26 For behold, it is not meet that I should command in all things; for he that is compelled in all things, the same is a slothful and not a wise servant; wherefore he receiveth no reward.

27 Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness;

28 For the power is in them, wherein they are agents unto themselves. And inasmuch as men do good they shall in nowise lose their reward.

I had always associated this scripture with service, but this time I saw the correlation to many other things...education...work ethic...etc. The footnotes mention; dedication, diligence, good works, industry, and zeal. I think we are missing the mark if we associate this scripture strictly to service. Industry relates to all that we do; to be industrious with our time in family work, making a living, our duty to God, etc.

Applying the Scriptures to Ourselves
We are admonished to apply the scriptures to ourselves. That is the best way to learn from the scriptures. So, here are my thoughts on applying these scriptures in my home.

I am often asked how I get my kids to study at home. I used to wonder how homeschool moms could possibly do that as well, my kids barely listened to me about anything, much less school work. Over time, I've come to realize that I needed to teach my kids to be industrious in all things...chores, church callings, and their education. Once they understand the principle, it is easier to apply in all areas of their lives. Now they fully understand that getting an education is their job, not mine. I lead them and guide them, but the work is theirs to do.

The second big question I get is how can I homeschool without requiring a set curriculum for them to study. The answer to that is to provide an outline for what constitutes a great education and then provide them the means to obtain it. I model getting an education myself and show them my enthusiasm and zeal for being an educated person.

"Slothful and not a wise Servant"
The biggest difference is that public schools "command" and "compel" in all things. We learn from the scriptures above that this leads to a "slothful and not a wise servant". So, why then are we surprised that so many leave public schools without a good education (not wise) and cannot find sufficient drive (slothful) to be successful in life? The answer is in the type of education, force rather than inspired self-education.

The "reward" for being a self-learner through inspired mentoring is that they will retain much more of their education (be wise) and have learned the power of self-motivation (industry) from the beginning of their education, or at the very least, have changed over to being a self-learner once they left public school.

I, for one, have learned more in the past 5 years since I read "A Thomas Jefferson Education" than I ever did in my public schooling education, including college level classes at a university. My eyes are now opened to the possibilities and excitement of shedding my slothfulness and learning to be industrious in all aspects of my life. I am so thankful to have this knowledge now!

What Makes a Scholar, Academic Ability or Maturity Level?

Reference: Leadership Education by Oliver and Rachel DeMille pages 153-189

I've noticed in several Yahoo Groups that are geared towards TJED, that there are still a lot of misconceptions about what makes a Scholar student. I know it was a confusing topic for me when I first read A Thomas Jefferson Education. Then I went on to study everything I could about the subject; CD's, MP3 downloads, Forums, and books (See Leadership Education). I think I'm finally beginning to understand what Rachel and Oliver mean when they said children need to BEG to be in Scholar Phase.

Academic Ability
It is my observation that the conveyor belt focuses on academic ability as the sign that a student has completed the necessary tasks to be a completed project and receive a diploma. They answered enough questions correctly to get a 60% or higher in every class and they can now move on to adulthood. Even high achieving students are marked by their above 90% average with "honorable mention" graduation status and scholarships to college.

This focus on academic ability ingrained in our first 18 years of life is a hard thing to unlearn! It was planted and cemented into our psyche in the formative years of our life. It is almost as hard to break away from as re-learning how to walk. It is that much a part of our being that we have to literally stop and re-learn how to think about education.

What I see happening is that parents read the TJED books and they become awakened with a deep desire to learn. They always wanted to know how to think. They know that the education they received in nothing like what they want. Then they go about applying the principles of Leadership Education, but the expectations are still a conveyor belt set of expectations. When we see a child excel and read "Hamlet" we think, "AH! They are ready for Scholar Phase!"

Why does that happen? Well, most of us never read much Shakespeare and if we did it was probably a dumbed-down version which we hated being forced to read. So, in our minds this is a phenomenal feat! Our child reads Shakespeare and loves it! They must be a Scholar. (not!)

Maturity Level
Another facet of a person's full well-rounded education that the conveyor belt system completely ignores is becoming a mature young adult. I believe this is an under-valued part of determining if our child is ready for Scholar Phase. Just because my child reads for 6 hours a day does not make them ready for Scholar Phase. My daughter at age 10 was very ill and she stayed home and read all day long! Yet, she was not a Scholar, but a Love of Learner. As she grew and became more mature, she eventually and gradually became a Scholar student.

When a young adult reaches the point of wanting a Scholar Phase, they need to BEG for it! They have to really want it or they will loose their momentum and fall back into a Hate of Learning. I say this, because we lived it here in our home.

"So much of conveyor belt education is fear-based - worrying that the child will not measure up. In contrast, Leadership Education assumes that the child will not only meet but exceed basic levels of learning, and more importantly, totally exceed in certain chosen areas." ~ Leadership Education, page 161

Maturity Level Brings a Higher Academic Ability
What I learned to focus on was maturity level first, which naturally brings a higher academic ability along with it. It is nearly impossible to have a mature 15 year old who does not want to learn, grow, and be successful at life. I mean it, nearly impossible! So, if you have a youth who is struggling in their education, focus on how to help them mature first, the academics will come.

One area I also see is young adults with behavior problems, yet the parent insists they are a Scholar, probably because of their age or reading level or some other academic ability. Mature young adults do not have problems with obedience to basic household rules, they do not torture a younger sibling, they do not lie, steal and sneak things. I'm sorry, but that is not what a Scholar Phase young adult looks like. When a young person acts in ways that are contrary to the lessons of Core Phase, they need more core work! If a young person cannot choose right from wrong, good from bad, and truth from falsehood....guess what?...they need to go back and work on some Core Phase values before they will ever be a successful Scholar.

This is not to say that any one is perfect, I'm not by any means. What I am saying is that major behavior problems need to be corrected before Scholar Phase can be successful.

Conclusion
When we unlearn the conveyor belt expectations and let go of our fears, turning our focus to fully "Trust the Process", our families succeed in Leadership Education. Suddenly, teenagers mature into young adults and mentoring parents get more questions about what they should study (the begging starts!). I've seen my youth turn more to my mentoring suggestions as they mature. Our family has seen a burst of energy and learning that seriously brings tears to my eyes...it is so wonderful and beautiful to see them studying so much and learning so fast.

Mistake #7 - Don't Have Them Mentor Younger Siblings

Reference: Leadership Education by Oliver and Rachel DeMille, pages 212-224

This is an area in which I have struggled to find "younger siblings" for my children to mentor. Last year and for the first months of this year we fostered children, which gave my children a WONDERFUL opportunity to mentor younger "siblings". I saw them blossom and have such fabulous teaching moments. Marly worked hard with Big Boy and Jabber Jaw to teach them colors, ABC's, and counting through play. Chris mentored personal hygiene through helping the little ones brush their teeth, pick out clothes, and put on their shoes. Reading aloud and playing games with these Core Phase little ones brought a great deal of happiness and purpose to our lives. It never ceases to amaze me that the family structure is perfect for mentoring of all ages!

We moved to a new state and are not currently fostering. I am at a loss in many ways to find mentoring situations for my young adults. They have volunteered to work with the nursery children at church during weekday activities and are always happy to babysit. In a way, this is almost enough.

Mistake #6 - Ignore the Written Agreement

Reference: Leadership Education by Oliver and Rachel DeMille, pages 212-224.

This is an area that I needed to work on. I only had a written agreement with my son that I did two years ago and it had more to do with him choosing to be here than about academic work.. My daughter is so intently particular about her education that I never felt like I needed one with her. I can see that the biggest problem is me. I am a lax mentor at times. I do not always follow through with checking over their progress and their work. In fact, I have about 2 weeks worth of journal writings to read. I tend to procrastinate the feedback part of mentoring. I find that I am more of a "weekly check-in" type of mentor.

Basically I realized I need to get my act together and that this is an area that I am making BIG mistakes in!

I decided to work on written agreements as follows based on the level of Scholar Phase:

Practice Scholar Agreement - see Leadership Education pages197-204.

"Do not make a formal scholar agreement with your student yet; just give her a daily option of doing Scholar studies that are more demanding than her normal Love of Learning schedule. It is not going backwards if she is on for a while, then off. For most kids this is normal and healthier than just going into Scholar and never backtracking into Love of Learning. Expect her to back out numerous times in the first one to two years. Support her when she does." - Leadership Education, pages 202-203

I was relieved after re-reading this passage. My agreement with my son is more of a commitment to educate himself at home since he went back to public school a couple years ago for a few weeks. That agreement was about him choosing to be at home and not bouncing between school and home. It worked really well, but most families will not need this at all unless you are detoxing your children from public school.

The main part of our agreement is a verbal one that study time is between 9am and 5pm...there are NO electronics unless for researching an approved topic or typing up a written assignment. Television is only used for watching items like a recorded Shakespeare play or a classic movie I have chosen as part of their education. After 6pm and all the family work is done, free-time allows for some limited TV and game play.

With Chris, I have found that in the beginning of Practice Scholar he leaned heavily towards Love of Learning and rarely towards Scholar. In the last couple of months he is gaining momentum on Scholar Phase and spends a larger portion of his day studying and reading. I don't have to ask or prod, he just chooses to do so.

Project Scholar Agreement - I am basing these items on Leadership Education pages 204-207. Another factor in considering what to include in a written agreement is learning styles and personal mission.

Responsibilities	Benefits
Family Responsibilities - Your own laundry once a week and Family Work chart as designated.	Ownership of responsibilities, not errands.
Study Hours: Daily: 9am - 5pm Weekly: Mon.- Fri.	Yearly Breaks: June and December Weeks of YW Camp and Youth Conference.
Assignments: Daily - Written summary due 5pm. Weekly - Fill-in own Scholar planner.	Mentoring: Getting a great education. Pursuing your mission with mentoring as needed.
Act like a Young Adult in morality and righteousness.	To be treated like a Young Adult in the home instead of a child.
Act like a Young Adult in continnual nurturing of relationships in the family.	To be included as a Young Adult by parents in settings outside the home, instead of a child.

This is a basic agreement and the one we are putting into practice has some specifics added that apply just to Marly. All I can say is that I am SOOO glad I decided to study the mistakes that can be made in Scholar Phase so that I could correct myself and gain better mentoring habits.

Mistake #5 - Promote a Typical Modern Teenager Social Life

Reference: Leadership Education by Oliver and Rachel DeMille, pages 212-224

Now, this is where many of my friends start to get uncomfortable. Everyone begins to reminisce about "the good ol' days" and how much fun they had in this club, that sport, and running around with their friends.

"It never ceases to amaze us how ingrained this conveyor-belt mistake is in parents - ourselves included. Maybe it is because the best part of our conveyor-belt education was the social part." - Leadership Education, page 217

Not ALL social is bad, but nor is it all good either.

"Our point is not that Young Adults should be less social. A healthy Young Adult wants more social interaction outside the family than he will seek during any other part of his life." - Leadership Education, page 218

The emphasis is quality socialization. My children have become fairly choosy about their social life. They want to check it out first, meet the people involved, see what the process is and then make an educated decision on if the activity is for them. Sometimes, they blow me away with their insights on why they want to go to certain classes and why they don't want to attend other functions. I realized that the education they are getting really does help them make decisions in their life.

I have noticed in the last two years that my younger children are bothered by unruly "teenager" behavior - at church, at the store, in the neighborhood, etc. They often comment to me about how petty "teenagers" are to them and that they are sick of hearing about who-is-dating-who and what new fashions are "in". Of course, the kids talking are not even old enough to date as my son often points out during Sunday School to his peers of other 12 and 13 year old youth. I know that they are aligning themselves with the right kind of friends, including many public schooled youth.

I did not have a large social life, but my husband did. In the early years of our homeschooling he often commented about the kids "missing out" on football or dances. Now, he has realized that our children participate in lots of great activities and THEY do not feel like they are missing out on anything!

"In the TJED Trenches" posts

I am a contributor on a homeschooling blog called "In the TJED Trenches". TJED stands for Thomas Jefferson Education - which is also often called Leadership Education. I choose to call it Leadership Education. If you follow my blog or our family website, you have read my thoughts and how we apply this type of home education. I decided to link to each of my TJED Trenches writings here as well. So, here is today's entry:

Mentoring Adults

I post about 2-3 times a month. The other contributors are phenomenal and I hope that if you are interested in homeschooling that the information written by these women helps to support and encourage you. To see all of my posts, click here.

Key #2 - Mentors, Not Professors

One of the greatest examples of a mentor is our Savior, Jesus Christ. He modeled what He taught and was the highest example of a great mentor. His words are repeated and revered throughout the generations as He taught all of us with love and patience.

Professors

A professor or teacher is often presented with several students in which to teach. In the public school system, this is often 30 or more students. A central curriculum is followed regardless of ability or interest and each student is taught in the same way, at the same time.

Mentors

A mentor is an educated person, or one strongly seeking an education, who provides guidance as to a student's individual needs, education goals, and abilities. Special attention is given to the learning styles of each student, giving the student a specialized and highly motivational educational path. Challenging as this may seem, my children seem to find this more exciting and easier than a standardized curriculum. They "own" their education as it is specific to them.

How We Apply This Key

We started with having each person make their Education Goals list. This list changes throughout the year and I evaluate each person's list during my Six Month Inventory time. During my education in education (I went to school to be a teacher but did not complete the degree) I learned about learning styles and multiple intelligences (See Multiple Intellegences by Dr. Howard Gardner). I believe that children and adults have specific ways that they learn best. I have spent time determining how each of my children learn best and work to provide ways to model and teach the subjects as needed.
In learning to be a mentor I think the hardest thing for me is what we call "staying off of the Conveyor Belt". Since I was educated using the Conveyor Belt method, it is hard for me to apply a different way of educating my family. Yet I find that as I continue to study the Leadership Education book by Dr. Oliver DeMille, I am able to find ways to apply this method and find it easier and easier to stay on the right path.

Eight Keys of Great Teaching

This used to be Seven Keys of Great Teaching, but Dr. Oliver DeMille added a new key in his new book "Leadership Education: The Phases of Learning". I feel that these keys are useful to every family - home schooled, public schooled, or charter school.

1. Classics, not Textbooks
2. Mentors, not Professors
3. Quality, not Conformity
4. Time, not Content
5. Inspire, not Require
6. Simplicity, not Complexity
7. You, not Them
8. Secure, not Stress - NEW!

My first instinct when reading this list was, "I can do this!" and then it changed to, "HOW do I do this?" Over the next few months I will post about each KEY to Great Teaching.